I must be getting old because, at almost 81 years old now, I can talk about it and not have to immediately crawl back into bed.
I have usually been deeply depressed for most of my life, starting before I even started school. My mom, a disciplinarian and my grade one and two teacher, told me often that I was a bad boy and unlovable. I used to get beaten up by the elder kids when their younger siblings were disciplined by my mom. If I couldn’t run faster than them, or did not pay enough attention, I got beaten up; but then strapped across the bare butt for embarrassing my mom because I was fighting.
Things got worse as I went up in grades, but I learned to spend a lot of time on my own; and to oversleep a lot. I read a lot and never learned to cry (the latter not a good solution, in hindsight!).
When I was 33 and found out that my wife had taken a lover, then told me about it, I had a severe reaction and was put through too-many, too-high-voltage sessions of electroshock therapy and suffered permanent, severe brain damage. Over the years I learned to cope, but only in my elder years did I see that I was living in Fear and hating it. After writing a book about just barely surviving in Fear and depression, I just up and chose to find the upside of things and it finally worked; most of the time. My latest wife finds me way too optimistic and we are now separated, but I still get smiles from most of those I talk too on the walks I use to keep me a bit more fit.
When I get down, I have trouble writing, but I do have 24 self-published books and mini-books. Now I am battling a series of mini-strokes to go along with the mini-books; but I still choose to see the up side; most of the time.
It is possible to choose one’s attitude in spite of the situations; not always easy, but usually possible.
Many tell me I do not know how bad they have things and it cannot be done. I remind them that I had to turn off the life support on my youngest son, then bury his mom about 14 months later. It took a long time for me to start smiling again; but most days I do that with no real effort at all; other days it is not as easy.
Often the only thing we can do is choose our attitude; independent of the situation. It takes effort and even commitment, but can be done! LoL
“If you aren’t laughing at life, you don’t understand it well enough - Yet!”